It’s springtime, which means that Kendra and I are in full-tilt mode doing premarriage counseling, conducting weddings, and working with newlyweds. We love this part of pastoral ministry, and that’s good because in our context, it is a very big chunk of it.
Lately, I’ve been asked more and more often which resources I’d most highly recommend for couples who are dating, engaged, or married. That question largely depends on a number of factors, including the spiritual maturity of the person asking, the age of the person asking, and whether that person is already in some kind of relationship or not.
Having said all that, here are my favorite resources for each type of situation:
If You are Considering a Dating Relationship or Already Dating
1. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller — surely I put this in the wrong category, right? Nope, I sure didn’t. This book by far does the best job of helping every person — whether married or single — understand the Bible’s teaching on marriage. And it is only when young men and women rightly understand what marriage is really all about that they are best equipped to make God-honoring choices in their dating relationships.
2. Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris — until I read the Kellers’ book, this was the only book I recommended to young men and women thinking about dating relationships. I would say read Tim and Kathy’s book first, pray and fast for a long time, then when you think you are about ready to start a dating relationship, read Josh’s book.
If You are Engaged to be Married
1. When Sinners Say ‘I Do’ by Dave Harvey — Dave does an outstanding job of applying the Gospel to marriage by showing that everything in marriage has to do with what we believe about God and His work through Jesus. If we don’t understand the Gospel or how the Gospel applies to marriage, we can’t hope to have God-honoring (or for that matter, very happy) marriages.
2. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller
If You are Married
1. When Sinners Say ‘I Do’ by Dave Harvey — I would also recommend the Study Guide; this is the most immediately practical resource for married couples.
2. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller — I only put this second because he puts so much emphasis on the big picture of marriage. It is still essential, but less immediately practical.
3. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas — I think this book is great for couples who have been married for a while and have a strong Gospel foundation. It’s not that it isn’t as good as the other resources, it’s that I think Harvey is more explicit on the Gospel and Tim and Kathy are more clear on what marriage is ultimately about. What I love about Gary’s book is that it hits on a lot of issues that aren’t covered by either Harvey or the Kellers.
There is a great new resource available I haven’t yet read that may fit well into all three of these categories, but especially in the Engaged or Married categories. Paul David Tripp just published a new book called, What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. This book hits on the same theme that Tim and Kathy do a great job of fleshing out in their book, The Meaning of Marriage, namely that western Christians have pretty much all the wrong ideas about what marriage really is and what to expect out of marriage. I haven’t read it yet, but I hope to in the near future.
